So, last night I bought a suit. A $280 Michael Kors’ suit that was marked down to $100. It is, quite possibly, the most wonderful thing I have ever owned. I have never felt more beautiful than I do in “THE suit”. I don’t even think I felt more beautiful at my wedding. It has a trapeze jacket and the pants are in a teeny tiny size I never thought I would see again. It is perfect. And, being that I work and do suit-worthy things, having a nice summer suit is definitely a necessity.
So, why do I feel like I’m going to throw up every time I think about the price tag? Why do I keep contemplating running back to return it? I mean, I have the $100 to spend. It’s not like I’m going to be eating ramen noodles and Rice-A-Roni for the next month because I bought “THE suit”. (I may eat ramen noodles, but that is because I LIKE them. Not because I HAVE to. Big distinction.) No, it’s not a money thing at all. I have become unable to shop for myself.
Would I think twice about blowing $100 on clothes for Sabine? Clothes she will outgrow in three, maybe less, months? Nope. Not at all. I have done it before and I’m sure I’ll do it again. I wouldn’t even think twice about dropping $100 on a new dog bed. I wouldn’t think twice about picking up some Wii game for Brandon while out shopping, to the tune of $60 or so. But, I can’t spend that on myself. I have put myself so low on the totem pole I feel as if my needs no longer matter … and my wants CERTAINLY don’t.
Brandon keeps saying, “You DESERVE “THE suit”.” I deserve it? I deserve a nap maybe. An amaretto sour with dinner on Friday. Do I deserve a $100 suit? I don’t know. Brandon practically forced me at pacifier point to buy the stupid thing last night. Maybe I’ve become too practical. Maybe I’ve stopped caring about what I look like at all.
I guess I should be thankful that I have a husband who forces me to take time out for me. To do little things for myself. Otherwise I’d be stomping into our next big meeting wearing a spit-up encrusted sweater. Circa ’02. That would be good for no one.
The Baby Formerly Known As Optimus Prime (and Megatron, too) 