And I’ve already taken off all my clothes. Well, not now. I’m not blogging naked. I promise. But it is getting to that point (unusually early) that I’m finding myself stripping down to undies in the evening, and then to nothing at bedtime, and then wishing I could peel my skin off, and still being hot.
For those of you who are unaware – we do not have A/C. Not central, not window units, nothin’. I haven’t had A/C since I moved back to WV. The first year was pretty much “ZOMG.I’M.GONNA.DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”, having never lived without A/C. Then the next year was kinda, “Damn. This sucks. But I didn’t die last year so I probably won’t die this year, either.” And every year has been a repeat of that since. We open the windows, turn on the fans, bitch a lot, swear we’re getting A/C the next year, and then at the beginning of Fall we say, “Eh. That really wasn’t that bad.”
So, here I am, 8 years later, and without A/C. Oh, and pregnant. And bitchy. Last night I was so hot that I told Brandon I was contemplating sticking my head actually INTO the fan. Because it would either A) cool me down faster or B) knock me out and I wouldn’t care about being hot anymore. Somewhere into the evening I became a bit delirious (from the heat, not because I actually stuck my head into the fan) and started coming up with ways to keep myself cool, instead of just bitching about being hot. Here are my top 10, in no particular order:
1. Take a cold shower.
2. Stand on deck in my underwear, thus scaring small (and large) children.
3. Spend a ridiculous amount of time “deciding” what we should have for dinner from the full size, stand up, deep freezer.
4. Check into a hotel.
6. Dump my Frostie down my shirt.
7. Hire hot shirtless boys to fan me while feeding me grapes.
8. Employ the dogs in digging a pool for me in the yard.
9. Coat my body in BioFreeze and stand naked in front of the oscillating fan.
10. Stuff Soothies down my bra (which only works if you’re actually wearing a bra, FYI).
So now you know what I’ll be doing all summer. Or at least my options.