The problem with children’s programming.

The problem with children’s programming is that it’s all stupid. Ok – so maybe that is oversimplifying things.

Let’s take Dora, for example. What is she – five, maybe? And yet, she runs around everywhere supervised by only a monkey. Even though she knows good and well there’s a fox lurking around who wants to gank her stuff. On what planet is that OK?

The Wonder Pets is well, just bizarre. There are entire segments about peeing. And I guess Nick Jr. had to push the “phonological awareness” off on another show since The Upside Down Show was canceled but really? The Wonder Pets, Nick Jr.!? Ming-Ming speaks with a LISP (nttawwt) which is like, the opposite of phonological awareness. I guess unless you’re trying to make children aware of the improper articulation of phonemes? Which I think is a little too advanced for them. Perhaps what Nick Jr. is actually trying to promote with the Wonder Pets is not, in fact, phonological awareness but rather irony?

And who died and made Ruby Queen of Max?

So, yeah. Kids’ TV sucks majorly. Except for Yo Gabba Gabba which teaches children the importance of not biting their friends. And really, what better lesson is there than that?

Top 5

I am totally blanking on a blog topic for today but, I promised I would blog Tuesday/Thursday.  So I present to you the Top 5 Funny Sabine Stories.  In recent history.  Because I’m too lazy to do 10.

5. Sucker Punch

Sabine smacked me across the face the other night.  She wanted my laptop and I wouldn’t give it up.  I put her in time out.  Short time out, in the same room with me, sitting her down and telling her, “We don’t hit.  You sit here till you can be nice.”  Brandon gets her out of time out approximately 2.5 seconds later (Ok, maybe it was a minute, but whatever).  He says, “Sabine, are you going to stop hitting your Mommy now?”  Her reply?  “NOPE!” *sigh*

4. Having consumed massive quantities of coffee when I was pregnant with Sabine (Yeah, bad mommy.  Whatever.), she is quite familiar with the smell of the glorious French press in the morning.  Before she could talk, she would sit in the kitchen floor, pointing at the press, and crying.  Now the first thing she says to me when she wakes up is, “I want coffee.”  This is my fault.  Not that I actually GIVE her coffee, but I tend to say, “Here’s your coffee!” when I hand her the morning Foogo of milk.  I have to laugh a little to myself when a stranger asks her what’s in her Foogo and her response is “Coffee!  Num num!”

3. Speaking of “Num num”

While cooking dinner the other night I hear the unmistakable “Num num!” of a very satisfied toddler.  I turn around from the stove to find Sabine standing in front of the open freezer with a bag of tator tots.  And consuming them.  Um, yum.

2. Keeping Your Daughter Off the Pole

Took Sabine to the Youth Museum.  They have a great castle exhibit right now.  There’s a small “play” castle set up with levers and knobs the little one’s can turn.  Royal dolls and furniture in the towers.  Just a cool area.  Sabine makes her way into the castle where she finds a very cute little boy – maybe 3 years old.  He, very sweetly and shyly, says, “Hi.”  Sabine responds by lifting up her shirt to flash him.

1. The Dead Bunny

We awoke one morning last week to find a dead bunny in our yard.  Not a bunny the dogs had killed (thank God) but a random, dead bunny.  I’m guessing maybe he was hit by a car and hippity hopped his last hop into the yard to die.  I took Sabine outside and, upon seeing the bunny, she yelled “AWWW!  I wan kitty!”  (cause apparently kitties are bunnies).  I replied, “No, no.  That’s a bunny and bunny is sleeeeeeeping!  Let’s leave him alone” cause really, how do you explain a dead bunny to a 18 month old?  Brandon chimes in with “That bunny isn’t asleep, Sabine.  It’s dead.”  “DEAD!” she says.  Later that night Brandon falls asleep on the couch.  Sabine says, “Awww … Dad’s dead!”  Yeah.  Now I have to figure out that whole 18 month old explanation thing I’d so hoped to avoid.

Too legit to quit.

Hey, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey. Yeah. Please Jenn, don’t hurt ’em. *Ahem*

Anyway – TBFKAOP has gone legit! I guess. I mean, at least this is how I *think* blogs go legit. You see – I want to go to Blogher next year. No, I WILL go to Blogher next year. That’s right. It’s a goal and stuff. So, in order to have a “real” blog I have purchased a domain. You can now get your TBFKAOP fix at http://tbfkaop.com.

You can also follow TBFKAOP on Twitter. It’s like a bloglett. A lot of times I think of something SUPER funny or weird or boring, I guess, that doesn’t fit into a post. So, I can put those things on Twitter now. Like the dead bunny! See – finding a dead bunny isn’t a great blog post. Especially when your toddler sees the dead bunny and goes, “AWWWW! Asleep!” and then wants to play with it. But it IS noteworthy so it gets Twittered. Or Tweeted. Or whatever the hell the cool kids call it. See how that works?

Now, I realize a real domain and Twitter account do not = a real blog so I guess I have to work on that who content and postiness issue as well. Since I’m not wrapped up in Polliwogged anymore I’ve decided to use my Polliwogged blogging days (Tuesday & Thursday) for TBFKAOP blogging. Hopefully I have something good to say on those days. If not, you’ll end up reading lots more posts like this.

*ETA – I’m totally cracking myself up because at first I had linked Obama’s Health Care Plan PDF as the new TBFKAOP.  YAY multi-tasking!

The end of an era (or two).

You may remember me blogging a while back about a Blog for which I was chosen to contribute – Polliwogged. Well, Polliwogged will soon be no more. I’ll leave it to Jeremiah to make the official announcement (coming sometime later this week – I think) but the end is near. It’s been a fun ride. I’m honored to have been part of such a neat project. The ZRecs Network will still be around so continue to check it out, for sure.

Ok, so that’s one era. The other? Breastfeeding. I’ve actually been meaning to blog about this for a while but I got side tracked with the Scarlet Fever and Big Barks and whatnot. Sabine *gasp* self-weaned about a month and a half ago. It started with her dsleeping through the night, then dropping her morning nursing session, then eventually the session before bed.

It was an altogether weird experience for me. The first night was good. I felt somewhat … free. I had a beer (or three) and went to bed. The second night was OK. The third night – I cried. I spent nearly 18 months defining my relationship with my child by this one thing that we shared. This one thing I could do for her that NO ONE else could. And now? Now we’re all equal. Mommy has nothing that Daddy doesn’t have. Well, except for maybe shaved legs and long hair. But, the Bean doesn’t care about those things.

So, now I have the girls back to myself … in their sad state. I never got those fantastic nursing boobs so it’s not like I had a lot of um, area to lose when Sabine weaned. It’s just that the texture is … different. Where my boobs once felt like they were full of pudding they now feel like they’re full of, hmmm, um, egg yolk. Yes. Egg yolk. And yes, I have been sitting here feeling my boobs in order to accurately describe their texture to you. Thank you very much.

There you have it (a letter opener) my era endings. Not very funny or thought provoking but it is what it is.