Confession:

I don’t want to start solids.  I don’t mean like, I don’t want to start solids next week or something.  I mean, I don’t want to start solids.  Ever.  I figure I’ll just let DD nurse until a year old and then I’ll continue to pump for the rest of forever.  Not really, that’s creepy.  But, let me try to explain what I mean …

This past weekend, Sabine went on a nursing strike.  I guess it was a nursing strike.  It only lasted half the day.  But, half the day was long enough to TOTALLY freak me out and scar me for life.  I would try to get her to nurse and she would just scream, and scream, and scream.  Finally, I pumped and gave her a bottle.  The first bottle I have EVER personally given her.  It was surreal.  And I hated it.  It was harder than nursing.  I had to heat it, and test it, and clean it.  Blech.  Too much work.  No fun.

Eventually, she went to sleep.  When she woke up, she nursed again as usual.  Odd.  And terrifying.

It made me think about weaning and about how heartbroken I’ll feel when she decides she’s a big girl and would rather have a sippy than to nurse.  Our pedi said we’d “talk” about starting cereal at four months, which at first I was excited about, but now I think I’ll say thanks, but no thanks.  What if that starts the weaning process.  What if at five months, she wants nothing to do with me and is all about a spoon and a bottle?  

Then she’d be onto a sippy, and then to feeding herself, and that whole beginning era would be over.  I’m just not sure I’m ready for that.

I realize that sounds a little selfish, but hell, she’s MY baby and I AM selfish with her.  I can be.  I am allowed that as a mom.  

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